"Feels Right" Oatmeal Cookies

Baking is something that I'm good at usually because I'm very precise about following directions. However, I've baked so many cookies now that I wondered what would happen if I made cookies based on what "felt right." My husband loves oatmeal raisin cookies, so I decided to try those. I've only ever made oatmeal cookies once, and they were "Oatmeal Scotchies," which have these delicious butterscotch chips. So, I only had a vague idea of how much of each thing to put in, but I just did what felt right. I'm happy to report that Alex thinks they're some of the best he's ever had.

"Feels Right" Oatmeal Cookies
Ingredients:
2 1/2 sticks very soft unsalted butter
2 1/2 cups light brown sugar, packed
2 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 large eggs
2 cups oatmeal (quick or old fashioned -- I used old fashioned)
2 cups flour
1 heaping tsp baking powder
1 heaping tsp cinnamon
1/2 level tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/4 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
3/4 cup raisins (optional)
3/4 cup dried apricots, chopped into small bits (optional - for if you or friends don't like raisins)

Put racks in upper third of oven (I was able to cook with both racks for once). In a large bowl, beat butter, brown sugar, and vanilla with electric mixer until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time and beat until fully blended in. Add baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, oats, and flour and mix. Add nuts if you like and beat gently, then, if you want, divide the dough in 1/2, and add raisins to the one half and apricots to the other half. Mix until blended.

Drop rounded tbsps dough on cookie sheets covered by parchment paper. Ensure at least 1 1/2 inch space between cookies to avoid cookie joinage. Bake about 12-14 min, until golden-brown. Cookies will look soft but will firm as they cool. Leave on baking sheet about 2 min, then put on cooling racks.

Makes about 30something awesome cookies.

Media Overload + Reviews

I am completely overwhelmed. I know that sounds silly. I'm not working (well, I'm volunteering a lot. I'm just not getting paid). What could I possibly have to overwhelm me?

Right now, it's media. There are several things I "should" watch, Letters to Iwo Jima, Into the Wild, Man on Wire, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, and Season 2.5 of "Battlestar Gallactica" topping the list. This brings me to a weird thought: these things are designed to be entertainment. Why do I feel I NEED to watch this stuff as if it was part of my duty? I have lists of movies that I NEED to watch, or else I'm going to feel like a lesser human being.

So, let's start shifting through the detritus. I love your opinions on this and if it helps me prioritize, so much the better, so please share what you think. I've never done mid-read reviews before. I think it's a good idea.

BOOKS
Black Hole by Charles Burns. I started reading this right after my surgery, thinking that a graphic novel would be a good light choice. Uh... WRONG! Heavy and weird, man. There is some seriously messed up sh&t going on in this book. But I love it so far. Wow. 1/2 way through. Book so far: A

Anna Karenina by Tolstoy (Pevear & Volokhonsky richer, meatier translation) Really good, but I'm having a hard time getting myself to actually read it. It just doesn't go with Percoset, and right now, I do. Anyway, I've heard it has a really sad ending and I am not looking forward to that. I'm trying to read it with Woody Allen's Love and Death in the back of my mind; that helps make it more amusing. Through Book 2. So far: A

Wonderful Tonight by Patty Boyd. Autobio of George Harrison and Eric Clapton's old lady. Began reading just before surgery because I thought it would be a light fun read. Didn't consider Boyd's unbelievably boring description of her childhood when I had that idea. It's starting to get better, though, because she finally met George. Through p. 69. So far: C+... actually, given that I keep reading it, it must be at least a B-

Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates. I wanted to read this before I see the movie, and boy, oh, boy, is it a heavy, depressing ride into the depths of suburban hell. So far, I like Bret Easton Ellis's Lunar Park much better, when it comes to novels that tell us why suburbia is horrifying. p. 118 out of 463. So far B+

Courtesans & Fishcakes: the Consuming Passions of Classical Athens by James Davidson. Surprisingly accessible book about the ancient Greeks. Just started; can't grade yet.

The Algebraist by Iain Banks. I've been reluctant to read Banks due to an ex's great love for him. However, my neighbor talked me into it. So far, seems very good. Great quote: "Dear Reason, maybe none of us are safe anywhere." Another great quote: "It could choose to go with some elegance, or not, but it could not choose not to go. No-unchoosing death." Just started; can't grade yet.

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail... and how you can make yours last by John Gottman, Ph.D. Really great relationship book. Maybe the attempts to quantify love are offensive to some, but I need all the help I can get. Very helpful insights, and plus, lots of fun quizzes. 1/3 of way through. So far: A-

Magazines
Some of these are guilty pleasures. Ok, they're all guilty pleasures.

Bust I've been a reader and a subscriber for years. This magazine is like the grown-up version of Sassy. Feminist in a fun way, this rag never fails to lift my spirits and teach me something useless, like how to make a belt out of beer bottle caps or a kitschy pouch for my sanitary napkins out of vintage reproduction fabrics. Then it'll have Lily Allen as the cover girl and I'm really head-over-heels.

Good Housekeeping Yes, you read that right. This magazine has such good recipes, which also tell you calorie counts and how much the meal will cost approximately. I take out all the recipes and put them in a three-ring binder. This month, GH will teach me how to make a delicious healthy version of eggs Benedict, how to store asparagus, how to make leg of lamb with oregano & lemon, and Roman-Style Artichokes. Doncha wish your girlfriend - could - cook - like - me? Doncha? A wifely must. Is it terribly un-PC of me to say that. Does reading Bust cancel this last one out at all?

Real Simple - kinda like the previous entry, but a little more modern, and doesn't necessarily assume I have kids like GH does (which gets old). Great organizing and money tips in this good little magazine.

Fitness & Shape - I like to tear out the recipes and workouts from these and try the new workouts at the gym. What's fun is when my trainer comes up and yells "What in tarnation are you DOING??" in my face while I'm trying to do something called "good morning raise" or "pistol squat."

Juxtapoz Art & Culture Magazine- the magazine for pop surrealist art. This is great for releasing your brain from its logical left-side bondage and experiencing visual bliss.

Washington State Bar News - Let me be real here. The only things I read in this mag are Bob Cumbow's amusing reflections upon the misuse of grammar, and the disbarment notifications. Unfortunately I've seen a couple of names I know, but (fingers crossed!) not mine!

VFW Magazine - not just for old farts! I love this magazine's tales of wars, heroes, and veterans working to get the recognition and benefits they deserve. I've actually considered being a Ladies Auxiliary Member because I love this magazine so dearly.

Vanity Fair - this is where I get a lot of my information about current affairs, which is why I can talk to you about Anne Hathaway's failed romance at length, but don't completely understand what the "Dow Jones Industrial" whatever-it's-called is.

Assorted others, from time to time:
GX: the Guard Experience - the National Guard's magazine has great pieces about health and kickass pictures of our soldiers um, kicking ass.

Giant Robot - from time to time, I need a Japanese culture/art fix. This is it.

Newsweek - Alex subscribes to this and I read it from time to time so I learn about "news." I always wind up reading the articles about things like Barbie's 50th Birthday and Afghanistan. The economy, sadly, I still find boring, despite the fact that we are in desperate times. (It's bad. OK. I get it!)

The Believer - I like McSweeney's (collections of short fiction) a LOT more than The Believer. But Nick Hornby writes book reviews in it which are good, and my good friend, writer and games expert Brian Schneider, gave this subscription for me as a gift, which was really nice. (Sorry for the name dropping. But it's true, that's who gave it to me).

Martha Stewart Living and Better Homes & Gardens - These are basically more housewife porn. MS Living has lovely pictures and descriptions, but honestly, the recipes call for very expensive and ridiculous food and equipment, and aren't always "all that" when it comes down to it. BH & G is like GH but has fabulous pics of gardens, and homes, which are all much better than mine. (Couldn't resist).

National G, Conde Nast, Adventure - I don't buy travel magazines, but when they're around I love to read them and make collages of the pictures in them.

So that's most of it. What's shocking it's not all of it. I'm not bragging here. I think it's an illness. Hopefully all the stuff that I read and the bits of information I collect reach a critical mass and foment an amazing novel. I'm just going to keep reading and watching and listening and learning and writing and synthesizing and making it happen every single day until one day, it all makes sense and turns into something beautiful.

Finding a Reason Where Reason Fears to Tread

Warning: TMI very possible here. If you're not really a friend or interested --don't bother to read.

I finally have a little bit of closure from the great ordeal that was 2008. I have never publicly blogged about this because I felt so sad, but also, because there was a little bit of shame, like this was somehow my fault. But here goes. I miscarried twice in 2008. The first was only after a few weeks of being pregnant, so while it was tragic and very difficult for me, it was easier to simply say it wasn't meant to be. The second one was in October after 12 wonderful weeks of pregnancy. I made it through the first trimester, thought I was clear, and told practically everyone that I was pregnant. And then the unthinkable: I miscarried. Again.

After the second one, I vowed to my poor lost baby that I would do everything in my power to get to the bottom of the problem and prevent this from happening again. I went to my ob/gyn at St. Joseph's Hospital in Tacoma. She said that m/cs are common and "we don't really do much about them until you're had three or more... but we can run these tests for you if you really want." I began the testing procedure there, and she discovered that I have a gene mutation which can sometimes cause blood clotting, which has been linked to a greater number of miscarriages. She glommed onto this information as if it solved everything. Luckily, I had done some research on my own, and the experts in m/c agree that often there is more than one cause, and the biggest mistake doctors make is in assuming that if they find one cause, it is "the" cause. Furthermore, the causal connection between my partiular gene mutation and miscarriage is tenuous at best. I talked to the doc at St. Joe's and she was unwilling to do further tests. I promptly got myself into Madigan Army Hospital, where they take a very proactive stance towards reproductive problems. Happy families mean happier soldiers, I suppose.

My doc at MAMC ordered additional blood work and genetic testing for Alex and me, and when those showed no definite problems other than my gene mutation, she recommended an additional test. This unpleasant procedure, the "HSG," is where they take x-Ray pics of dye as it flows into your uterus (which the doc at St. Joseph's assured me was not worthwhile to do in my case). They discovered a problem with my uterus where I have this septum, present from birth, which is low in blood vessels and does not provide a healthy environment for a fetus. The fetus basically starves (THIS [and many other reasons] is why you don't tell someone who just miscarried that it's "nature's way of taking out the garbage" -- there was probably nothing wrong with either baby. They just starved to death in my inhospitable womb. And don't tell me my effing baby is GARBAGE! How obvious is that?)

Anyway, the HSG results led them to do the laparoscopy/hysteroscopy, which they did Friday, and it turns out there was indeed a septum, which they removed. I need to rest for a few days, and let myself heal up. Hopefully, after taking estrogen to help the lining of my uterus, in a couple months maybe I can get pregnant again, and we'll hope for the best.

So, new mommies-to-be whose biggest worry is that they're being overly materialistic by purchasing Seven maternity jeans (and you are, by the way!) -- I can't relate to you at all. People who tell me "just don't worry about it -- let nature happen!" == shut the F*CK up. You Do Not Know What You Are Talking About! And to those friends, the majority of my friends, who supported me and helped me through all this -- I love you. You are amazing. I wish you every blessing in this world and if you ever do decide to have kids, may your journey be easy and simple and free of the pain of loss.

Now you know the full story. If you ever have a friend lose a baby, give them a huge hug and tell them how sorry you are for their loss. Make them something to eat. Show them you love them. That's all you can really do.