Real Simple = Real Bad?

I have a problem with Real Simple. For one thing, they've gotten way to woman's magaziney with their content. I don't need "morning make-up solutions" or "6 great new ways to do your hair." I don't care what the folks at Real Simple think I should be wearing this fall. There are far more fashionable magazines to get fashion and beauty tips, and I don't need Real Simple to tell me how to do crunches (um, hello? That's why I get Shape.)

But the biggest problem is that the quality of the recipes varies so widely. Last night, I made a recipe from Nov. '09's Real Simple that turned out perfectly. It's listed in their section, "Weeknight Meals," under the subsection "One Pot." Aptly named Roasted Chicken and Carrots with Olives and Lemons, this recipe is truly wonderful! See the end of the article for the recipe reprinted. I highly suggest you try it if you like chicken. It was an easy, no-brainer recipe that even novice cooks could get right. Plus, if you and your spouse don't like the same parts of chicken (for instance, I like white and Alex likes dark), since you're cooking a whole bird, you're both happy.

Heartened by my recent success, I cooked another Real Simple recipe tonight. This was only two pages away from the Roasted Chicken that was so fabulous. But unfortunately, "Steak with Crispy Potatoes and Pistachio Pesto" was not a winner. The steak was good, but I'd be surprised if all of a sudden I couldn't cook a sirloin steak and make it amazing. The crispy potatoes were good. But the two items that were the most work, namely the pistachio pesto and the broccoli rabe, disappointed greatly. The pesto required me to shell a number of pistachios, and while the pesto tasted nice, it was completely overpowered by the steak. This would be much better on a delicate fish, such as halibut. The broccoli rabe required a special trip to Metropolitan Market, where I learned it is pronounced "Rah-Bay. And, it was inedible. I cooked it EXACTLY like the recipe suggested and it came out nothing like it. Maybe broccoli rabe is just no good? Seems strange, considering I like leafy green vegetables like Swiss chard, bok choy, chinese broccoli, and kale. But it wasn't just me. My husband looked incredibly relieved when I declared the broccoli rabe disgusting and threw it in the trash. So, Real Simple approved this recipe that contained two good elements but added one element that was unnecessary and another that was inedible.

That's why I subscribe to Good Housekeeping, despite the fact that the magazine is very dorky and is overly geared towards moms. (By the way, don't moms have their own mom-related magazines? Why does the fact that I want to excel at "housekeeping," including cooking, mean I need to learn about how to resolve fights between kindergartners?) GH has this excellent policy of testing out all their recipes in their test kitchen three times before they'll publish them (oh how I'd love that job!) And so, only one time out of probably 50 or so recipes from GH I've tried has the recipe gone wrong.

Real Simple has great fonts, photography, and some interesting ideas about stain removal and alternative uses for everyday objects. Just don't count 100% on loving dinner if you use their recipes.

Recipe I LOVE (+ my notes):
Roasted chicken and carrots with olives and lemons
1 3 1/2 to 4 lb chicken, cut into pieces (can get them pre-pieced at grocery)
2 lbs carrots, cut into 2 in. pieces (halved lengthwise if thick)
1/2 cup pitted kalamata olives
4 bay leaves
1 lemon, cut into wedges
2 tbsp olive oil
Kosher salt and black pepper
1 tsp paprika

Heat oven to 425. On a large rimmed baking sheet (such as a jelly roll pan), toss chicken, carrots, olives, bay leaves, lemon, oil, 1 tsp salt, and 1/4 tsp pepper. Arrange in a single layer and sprinkle the chicken with the paprika.

Roast, tossing the vegetables once, until the chicken is cooked through and the carrots are tender, about 45 min.

Serve with crispy Caesar salad, if desired.

Pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins!

I have a new motto for fall decorating: you can never have too many pumpkins. I thought before that you should only get as many pumpkins as you can carve for Halloween, so probably one, unless you're a staffer for Martha Stewart or something. Now it seems like the more the merrier. And there are so many cute pumpkins you can get -- the white ghost pumpkins, the tiny mini pumpkins, adorable and ugly squashes (which aren't even really pumpkins), and these perfectly sized sugar pumpkins.

Yesterday, I was in a hurry to get the place finished being decorated for Halloween before the kids came by trick-or-treating, and none of my several pumpkins were carved. I had bought all these pumpkins because I had a housewarming party a couple of weeks before Halloween. I've discovered something: uncarved pumkins = fall/harvest. Carved pumpkins= Halloween. Uncarved pumpkins, outside, will last for weeks in the cool fall air. But as soon as you carve them, they quickly begin to fade. That's why I waited until the day Halloween to carve the pumpkins.

Since I was in a hurry, I thought we should do the smaller sugar pumpkins to save time. Boy was I in for a surprise. Apparently the sugar pumpkins are designed for making pies and have much thicker shells -- making them harder to cut than the larger, normal pumpkins. Who knew? So we saved no time there. But we did make a really cute kitty cat and a "Boo!" pumpkin. Note: you must make enough airholes to feed a candle if you're using a real candle, otherwise it will extingish! Learned this the hard way with the "Boo!" pumpkin.

What to do with those seeds? Preheat oven to 350 degrees, and meanwhile clean the seeds using a round sieve and running water. The pumpkin bits go to the bottom. Then dry the seeds with paper towels, and put in a bowl. Add 2 tbsp olive oil (per about two pumpkins worth of seeds), 1 heaping tsp cayenne pepper, 1/2 tsp cumin, and 1 tsp truffle salt. Stir with whisk until all seeds are coated. Pour the seeds on a cookie sheet -- you can use the whisk to spread them around. Roast seeds for about 27 minutes. Voila - spicy, delicious pumpkin seeds!

Media Overload + Reviews

I am completely overwhelmed. I know that sounds silly. I'm not working (well, I'm volunteering a lot. I'm just not getting paid). What could I possibly have to overwhelm me?

Right now, it's media. There are several things I "should" watch, Letters to Iwo Jima, Into the Wild, Man on Wire, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, and Season 2.5 of "Battlestar Gallactica" topping the list. This brings me to a weird thought: these things are designed to be entertainment. Why do I feel I NEED to watch this stuff as if it was part of my duty? I have lists of movies that I NEED to watch, or else I'm going to feel like a lesser human being.

So, let's start shifting through the detritus. I love your opinions on this and if it helps me prioritize, so much the better, so please share what you think. I've never done mid-read reviews before. I think it's a good idea.

BOOKS
Black Hole by Charles Burns. I started reading this right after my surgery, thinking that a graphic novel would be a good light choice. Uh... WRONG! Heavy and weird, man. There is some seriously messed up sh&t going on in this book. But I love it so far. Wow. 1/2 way through. Book so far: A

Anna Karenina by Tolstoy (Pevear & Volokhonsky richer, meatier translation) Really good, but I'm having a hard time getting myself to actually read it. It just doesn't go with Percoset, and right now, I do. Anyway, I've heard it has a really sad ending and I am not looking forward to that. I'm trying to read it with Woody Allen's Love and Death in the back of my mind; that helps make it more amusing. Through Book 2. So far: A

Wonderful Tonight by Patty Boyd. Autobio of George Harrison and Eric Clapton's old lady. Began reading just before surgery because I thought it would be a light fun read. Didn't consider Boyd's unbelievably boring description of her childhood when I had that idea. It's starting to get better, though, because she finally met George. Through p. 69. So far: C+... actually, given that I keep reading it, it must be at least a B-

Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates. I wanted to read this before I see the movie, and boy, oh, boy, is it a heavy, depressing ride into the depths of suburban hell. So far, I like Bret Easton Ellis's Lunar Park much better, when it comes to novels that tell us why suburbia is horrifying. p. 118 out of 463. So far B+

Courtesans & Fishcakes: the Consuming Passions of Classical Athens by James Davidson. Surprisingly accessible book about the ancient Greeks. Just started; can't grade yet.

The Algebraist by Iain Banks. I've been reluctant to read Banks due to an ex's great love for him. However, my neighbor talked me into it. So far, seems very good. Great quote: "Dear Reason, maybe none of us are safe anywhere." Another great quote: "It could choose to go with some elegance, or not, but it could not choose not to go. No-unchoosing death." Just started; can't grade yet.

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail... and how you can make yours last by John Gottman, Ph.D. Really great relationship book. Maybe the attempts to quantify love are offensive to some, but I need all the help I can get. Very helpful insights, and plus, lots of fun quizzes. 1/3 of way through. So far: A-

Magazines
Some of these are guilty pleasures. Ok, they're all guilty pleasures.

Bust I've been a reader and a subscriber for years. This magazine is like the grown-up version of Sassy. Feminist in a fun way, this rag never fails to lift my spirits and teach me something useless, like how to make a belt out of beer bottle caps or a kitschy pouch for my sanitary napkins out of vintage reproduction fabrics. Then it'll have Lily Allen as the cover girl and I'm really head-over-heels.

Good Housekeeping Yes, you read that right. This magazine has such good recipes, which also tell you calorie counts and how much the meal will cost approximately. I take out all the recipes and put them in a three-ring binder. This month, GH will teach me how to make a delicious healthy version of eggs Benedict, how to store asparagus, how to make leg of lamb with oregano & lemon, and Roman-Style Artichokes. Doncha wish your girlfriend - could - cook - like - me? Doncha? A wifely must. Is it terribly un-PC of me to say that. Does reading Bust cancel this last one out at all?

Real Simple - kinda like the previous entry, but a little more modern, and doesn't necessarily assume I have kids like GH does (which gets old). Great organizing and money tips in this good little magazine.

Fitness & Shape - I like to tear out the recipes and workouts from these and try the new workouts at the gym. What's fun is when my trainer comes up and yells "What in tarnation are you DOING??" in my face while I'm trying to do something called "good morning raise" or "pistol squat."

Juxtapoz Art & Culture Magazine- the magazine for pop surrealist art. This is great for releasing your brain from its logical left-side bondage and experiencing visual bliss.

Washington State Bar News - Let me be real here. The only things I read in this mag are Bob Cumbow's amusing reflections upon the misuse of grammar, and the disbarment notifications. Unfortunately I've seen a couple of names I know, but (fingers crossed!) not mine!

VFW Magazine - not just for old farts! I love this magazine's tales of wars, heroes, and veterans working to get the recognition and benefits they deserve. I've actually considered being a Ladies Auxiliary Member because I love this magazine so dearly.

Vanity Fair - this is where I get a lot of my information about current affairs, which is why I can talk to you about Anne Hathaway's failed romance at length, but don't completely understand what the "Dow Jones Industrial" whatever-it's-called is.

Assorted others, from time to time:
GX: the Guard Experience - the National Guard's magazine has great pieces about health and kickass pictures of our soldiers um, kicking ass.

Giant Robot - from time to time, I need a Japanese culture/art fix. This is it.

Newsweek - Alex subscribes to this and I read it from time to time so I learn about "news." I always wind up reading the articles about things like Barbie's 50th Birthday and Afghanistan. The economy, sadly, I still find boring, despite the fact that we are in desperate times. (It's bad. OK. I get it!)

The Believer - I like McSweeney's (collections of short fiction) a LOT more than The Believer. But Nick Hornby writes book reviews in it which are good, and my good friend, writer and games expert Brian Schneider, gave this subscription for me as a gift, which was really nice. (Sorry for the name dropping. But it's true, that's who gave it to me).

Martha Stewart Living and Better Homes & Gardens - These are basically more housewife porn. MS Living has lovely pictures and descriptions, but honestly, the recipes call for very expensive and ridiculous food and equipment, and aren't always "all that" when it comes down to it. BH & G is like GH but has fabulous pics of gardens, and homes, which are all much better than mine. (Couldn't resist).

National G, Conde Nast, Adventure - I don't buy travel magazines, but when they're around I love to read them and make collages of the pictures in them.

So that's most of it. What's shocking it's not all of it. I'm not bragging here. I think it's an illness. Hopefully all the stuff that I read and the bits of information I collect reach a critical mass and foment an amazing novel. I'm just going to keep reading and watching and listening and learning and writing and synthesizing and making it happen every single day until one day, it all makes sense and turns into something beautiful.

Nouveau Comfort Food for Depressing Times

I am depressed. I just found out that an old friend died last week. I'm seriously depressed. And I also noticed it's been a month and a half since I last blogged! Wow. So, here's a new blog for your mid-winter blues. Eat your heart out on some nouveau comfort food.

Beef Tenderloin Steaks with Mashed Potatoes and Swiss Chard (The steaks and chard recipes are adapted from Jan. '09 Better Homes and Gardens).
4 6oz beef tenderloin steaks
1 tbsp butter
1 tsp olive oil
4 shallots, halved
3/4 cup beef broth
1 tbsp butter, softened
Snipped flat leaf Italian parsley
Peppercorns (optional)

Sprinkle steaks with salt and pepper. In a large cast iron skillet, heat 1 tbsp butter and the oil over high heat. Brown steak bottoms (1-2). Turn and cook 6 min or more until desired doneness. Remove steaks and keep warm.
Add shallots to skillet. Cook about 5 min, then add beef broth. Scrape skillet to remove browned yummy bits. Whip in that last tbsp of softened butter. Then put the steaks in and dollop the liquid over the top. Throw some snipped Italian parsley on there, and a few peppercorns, if you like. Voila! Bon appetit.

Momma's Mashed Potatoes
While the steaks are cooking, throw about 3 pounds of peeled Yukon gold potatoes (yes, it makes a difference in the taste!), cut into 1" cubes, in a big pot of boiling water. When the potatoes are almost soft, take a stick of butter and 3/4 cup whole milk, and saute over low heat, taking care not to scorch. When the potatoes are fork tender (10-15 mins), drain them in a colander and then put them in a mixing bowl. Use electric beater to smoosh them up, and add generous dashes of salt and pepper. Also dash in some heavy whipping cream until your potatoes are the desired consistency. Delish-eee-ous, I gawrawntee.

While all this is going on, boil up another big ol' pot of water. Take some nice Swiss chard (don't be afraid!) and chop the red stems off. Throw them in the water as soon as it's boiling and let them boil about 4-5 min. Then throw in the leaves and let it all boil about 2 more mins. When chard is tender, strain it in a colander, and drizzle a bit of good olive oil over it, dash with salt and pepper, and also drizzle some yummy vinegar on top. So good that you won't believe you never (or rarely) eat chard!

And what about dessert? What comfort dinner is without dessert? Well, let me introduce you to some cookies I'm really proud of. These are all my own invention.

Heather's Chocolate Caramel Monsters (aka amazingly good everything-but-the kitchen sink cookies)
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2/3 cup baking cocoa
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
2/3 cup packed dark brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 large eggs
1-12 oz package white chocolate chips
1-12 oz package small round caramel bits
1 1/2 (ish) cups chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350. Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. Beat butter, sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla extract in very large bowl, until creamy. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each egg. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in chips, bits, and nuts. Drop by large rounded tsp on cookie sheets covered in parchment paper.
Bake for about 10 minutes, until set. Cool on sheets for 2-4 min, then move to wire racks. Enjoy, and don't forget to brush your teeth after these. (Your dentist would not be pleased with me if I didn't say that.)

Cook, eat, feel better, repeat as desired.

"The Godfather" Bread Soup

Yesterday, Alex and I finally got around to watching The Godfather and The Godfather II. I know; it's shocking that we hadn't seen them before. And now having seen them, I'm even more appalled, because they are so very freaking good. I think I need to see III even though I heard it's not so great, because I want to see what happens next. In any case, what could make any experience watching The Godfather better than eating some amazing Italian Bread Soup? Now apparently, the soup I made might be Tuscan, not Sicilian, but I think it's close enough and whatever region it's from, it's amazing. So, for a rough facsimilie of what I had last night, you could just click this recipe for Pappa al Pomodoro. But for something even yummier, that you can have for two meals, do this. A few days before you want the bread soup, make this amazing Rustic Cabbage Soup from 101 Recipes. Accompany it with some baked French or white, country bread. Have that for a few meals until you get kind of sick of it and have a medium pot left, and about 1/3 loaf of the white bread. Then take the soup and put it in a big pot over low-medium heat. Add 1-16 oz. can of diced tomatoes. Add a 16 oz can of organic, low-sodium tomato soup. Stir gently. Toss in bite-sized chunks of the stale French or white bread. Do not stir -- the bread's too delicate for that. Gently push in the bread so it soaks up the liquid. Serve hot with grated parmesan cheese on top. Tocca a te...Buona fortuna!

Cook or Baker?

"Baking has the reputation of being more difficult than cooking -- the specter of chemistry frightens some people. And baking is different from cooking. A great cook may create dishes intuitively, almost casually, working with what is in the larder and refrigerator, tasting and correcting the work in progress. A great cake baker is attentive to technique, details, and timing. Unable to taste, correct, and create along the way, the baker is a stickler for measurements, insistent on proper pan sizes, and fussy about the temperature of everything from the oven to the butter. Because the same ingredients combined in a different order, mixed differently, or even used at different temperatures result in quite different cakes (or failures), good bakers are dedicated to the small things that produce beautiful cakes that taste heavenly." Joy of Cooking by Irma Rombauer et al.

I’m a baker. I love that if you follow the directions it will make something beautiful, like magic. Cooking is unwieldy and uncertain. My sister is one of those geniuses that can take random things from the fridge and turn then into dinner, never following a recipe -- just making it up as she goes along. That’s like hell for me. Give me a fantastic recipe, and I’ll make you a fantastic loaf of bread, dreamy pie, or beautiful birthday cake.

It’s been busy lately, but the kitchen has been calling. I made a beautiful key lime pie for a dinner party recently, and then I made a shoofly pie (a delicious, Pennsylvania Dutch molasses-based pie), a childhood favorite of mine. I cooked recently too, but that’s less interesting. I think I might make something today.... what should I make?

So, are you a cook or a baker? Or neither? What’s the last thing you made?