The Officers' Spouses' Club

Sixteen military wives
Thirty-two softly focused brightly colored eyes
(The Decemberists, 16 Military Wives)

When I married Alex, I jokingly asked if I should join the Officers’ Spouses’ Club, but I never thought I would actually do that. However, when I first moved to Tacoma, I had only two friends down here besides Alex. (Now I have roughly four friends – the number has doubled! Not bad.) Anyway, I needed to find a new doctor very quickly, and I had no one to ask for a reference. I remembered that there was the Officers’ Spouses’ Club, and I contacted the club president to see if she had a recommendation of doctors in the area. She didn’t, but suggested I start getting involved so I could talk to the other wives and get their opinions. She was so friendly and welcoming that I thought it was worth looking into joining.

Meanwhile, I’ve already found my own doctor, but I still wanted to see what the OSC was all about. I agreed to volunteer as a docent for today’s Tour of Homes. Once a year as a fundraiser, ten higher ranking officers open their homes and people tour through them to see what their homes are like and also for decorating ideas. This year it’s on Fort Lewis in the stately Broadmoor community. Since I’m pretty nosy, I knew I just had to get involved with that!

Last night, the OSC held a reception at the OSC president’s house for the volunteers who were opening their homes as well as the docents. Then we got a VIP tour of the houses ourselves; otherwise, we would only get to see the house that we were volunteering in.

I was surprisingly nervous getting ready. It felt like the first day of 7th grade all over again. Would they shun me? Maybe I don’t look officer-wifey enough (whatever that means)? Maybe the fact that my husband is full-time active duty National Guard, as opposed to regular Army stationed at Ft. Lewis, would be a barrier? And then I thought, so what if they don't like me? Will the world end?

Then I told my wussy butt that facing fear is the best way to make it go away, and I walked into a throng of about 30 beautifully dressed and coiffed ladies. A man in a red shirt and jeans slunk out quickly, sensing that this was not a place for men. Oh no. It was all about the ladies. It reminded me of my sorority from college except the women were for the most part nicer and much less drunk.

We ate amazing baklava and drank punch or wine and chatted.* I met a woman who worked in investments until she had her son, who is autistic and needs a lot of care. She was my age, pretty, smart, and hip. I also met a really nice lady who unfortunately tried to convince me to go to her church. She explained that even though I’m Catholic, God is God and it doesn’t matter which church you go to. While on one level I agree with her, I just simply couldn’t do that. Not just because her church is one of those Assembly of God things, but because I’m Catholic. I like my worship old school. Really old school. But I digress.

One of the most fun parts of the night was hopping in this lady Kathy’s SUV to go to the other houses with two other ladies. Kathy is a former military police officer (MP) who now works in public affairs. My favorite thing about her is that she had her satellite radio station tuned to Butt Rock and we were rocking out to Poison, Junkyard, Def Leppard, and other hair bands. That was hilarious.

So about the décor. Some of the homes were a little too robustly patriotic (think all-American red white and blue Christmas tree) for my taste. But most of these places served to make me feel deeply, irreparably inadequate in terms of how clean, organized, well decorated, and large my home is, for my homes is none of those things at present time. I gasp to think at the hours and hours of labor hanging all the greenery, putting up multiple Christmas trees, and installing a myriad of soft white lights must have taken. Not to mention the women who sew their own drapes, who hand make appliqués for the walls, who make adorable curtains out of ribbons and Christmas ornaments…. Wow.

But that feeling of inadequacy apparently is something we all share. Almost everyone said something about how they felt guilty at the state of their own homes. One of the women whose home was in the tour was fretting about how lame her house was compared to all the others. It wasn’t as big, she didn’t have as many Christmas decorations, she didn’t have handmade drapes. She only had one Christmas tree! Her home wasn’t nearly as clean, nearly as sophisticated, nearly as lovely as all the other homes, she lamented. I went there and it was full of beauty. She had the cabinet her grandfather made her that her husband refinished as a surprise. She had a painting her grandmother made. She had personal mementos all through her beautiful, clean, organized home. How dare she feel inadequate? She’s a freaking domestic goddess, and she works full time on top of that.

Maybe it’s too far to say these women are the real heroes of the Army, but really, it’s probably not that far from the truth. Rock on, officers’ wives. You all are pretty, you’re good moms, and your houses are great. And don’t let anybody, including yourselves, tell you any different.


*Diet tip: to avoid eating a lot, wear a skirt with a really tight waistband like I did. The discomfort literally prevents you from eating so much.

The Perfect Party: Basics & A Little Spice

Every party, no matter how elaborate its trappings, has some essential basics. You can have a pretty good party without these elements, but it will never be an amazing party. The items are remarkably simple, but unfortunately quite easy to get wrong, which is why planning is crucial.

Any amazing party will ensure that there are:

1) Good people
2) Good drinks
3) Good food
4) Good music
5) Optional (particularly if you have at least three of the above): Entertaiment

If you don't have one or more of the top four, prepare for your party to be anything from average to abysmal. But notice that none of these things has to be incredible or amazing for the party will

HOW NOT TO PARTY:
I went to a dinner party very recently, and it was a nice effort on the hostess's part. Homemade dinner, some alternative satellite radio station playing in the background, and a group of friends -- actually, two groups of friends brought together. And honestly, it was an o.k. party. How could this party have been amazing? Skip the weird orzo 'n squid casserole or whatever tf that was supposed to be. Baked chicken legs (legs only -- no white meat?) with nothing but olive oil for flavor? No! And NO BOILED VEGETABLES. Ever. Mushy and tasteless should never, ever describe anything at your party, much less the food. And even more important, the people, while they may have been great, were not getting to know each other. That's an important aspect of hosting a great party. Introduce your friends and acquaintances to each other. Let them mingle. This is very often neglected. So we were all talking to the people we already knew and not to anyone else. It was pretty boring.

Later the host (a lawyer) told a story about a child molestation case that he hadn't even worked on. That's when the orzo squid decided it just wasn't sitting right in my stomach and I needed to make a hasty exit. The party was breaking up anyway. Moral: avoid talking about disgusting subject matter like child molestation at a dinner party. If it's hard to grasp the why on this one, you may want to read up on a book like Miss Manners to get some ideas about basic social skills.

What could they have done? Put spice on the chicken. Spicy (but maybe not too spicy) is more fun. Always err on the side of spicy in your party planning.

If you follow the above advice, your parties will be nothing short of amazing, every time.

NEXT UP: More parties!

Ain’t no sunshine

It's 47 degrees in Seattle. This is not the record coldest; that was a high of 40 degrees in 1924. This summer reminds me of the summer of 1997. That summer, it was still cold well into June. I was working at the Pierce County Prosecutor's office as an intern. I would take the hour-long bus ride and then walk up the huge hill to the courthouse in Tacoma, shivering in my penny loafers and suits bought in North Carolina. What a strange summer. And now, 11 years later, I'm preparing for a wedding here in Seattle. I never thought I'd be doing this. I can't believe I've put up with this weather for so long.

Here's the sort of thing that gets me through: today I'm breaking in a pair of silvery Betsey Johnson shoes, with this cluster of cheery golden crystals on them that almost make me feel like it's sunny outside. They make me feel like a raindrop goddess.

I have some thoughts about maintaining passion. I spoke to my colleague Mark Tackitt today; he's an attorney who does conflict cases for the Office of Public Defense, so he does essentially the same job as I do, except as a solo practitioner. His hobby is civil war reenactment, which he's been doing for over 12 years. I asked how he keeps his interest in his hobby fresh, and he indicated that he tries to work to make everything as close to how it really was as possible, and that this is a very difficult thing to do. He also tries to do better and better events. Soon he'll be going to Gettysburg for a march that he's leading. See http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnppcGNvbi5uZXQvfnNpbGFzL2FuZGVyc2J1cmdtYXJjaC5odG0=

I'm going to try to do that to maintain interest in my passions. It's partly about keeping things as close to your artistic vision as possible, and try to make every "event" better than the last.

Right now my event is, of course, the wedding. I'm working hard and I think it's all coming along. The main things I need to do now are to design the programs, select paper for them and the favor tags, and figure out how much of each beverage we need. And there's a number of other easier to dos (call florist back with updates, bridesmaid gifts, pick up rings, pick up dress, get it cleaned, things like that), but I'm actually pretty happy with the way it's all coming along. I think everything really will be o.k. But anyway, I decided that there were some parts of the vision that could be compromised for the sake of economy (I didn't really need a photo booth, for example), and others that simply could not (I HAD to have terra cotta pots for the floral centerpieces-cum-favors that I'm making. Pastel baskets with checks wouldn't do. I actually had to fire this woman who was going to make them because she couldn't get that it had to be terra cotta pots with pansies and lavendar, not pastel checked baskets with hen and chicks. Sometimes it's difficult to make your vision a reality. I'm just glad my vision was something that is actually pretty doable. It's humbling that my vision is what kind of centerpieces to have on tables at my wedding reception, but that's how it is.

It's freaking cold in my office. Really kinda wishing I were in LA right now.

Wedding planning and other insanity

I haven't been blogging. I'm sorry about that. It's just that the wedding takes everything I have. Don't get me wrong: I love planning all the little details that go into one great, special day. But it's taking everything. My free time -- gone. I'm at tastings and fittings and planning and scheming. My money is pretty much all going to the wedding. My mind? It's on the wedding. It's hard right now to talk about much else. I went to a "girl's night out" type of party recently where the topic kept veering to local politics (these are not your average girls, apparently). I kept longing, longing, for someone to talk about weddings instead. I should have a little button that says "ask me about my wedding." So it's high time I blogged about it.

So, I got engaged in late January. Here's what I've gotten done since then: choosing and booking the ceremony location (St. James), the reception (Skansonia), transportation in between (for Alex and me, a Rolls; for the wedding party, a really great, um, van), selected a photographer, got a DJ, found a cake baker, decided the menu, registered for some basic gifts, sent e-save the dates, ordered invitations, bought dress, bought corset lingerie thing and stockings, bought crinoline, did first two rounds of alterations on the dress, commenced Catholic premarital counselling, found bridesmaids, picked out bridesmaids dresses, working on picking out their gifts, helped groom pick out groomsman tuxes, looked at honeymoon options with the groom, began shoe shopping (still haven't decided), found hairstylists for rehearsal dinner and wedding, found florist, discussed and decided on floral design, decided on a color scheme (jewel tones) and stylistic theme (vintage and Art Nouveau-inspired).

What's left to do: rehearsal dinner site, contract for DJ, song list for DJ, buy shoes, personalize invitation envelopes, purchase stamps, address and send invites, purchase and assemble favors, let caterer know food selections, create detailed itineraries for wedding party, get marriage license, decide on honeymoon location and pack for that, figure out where we'll live after marriage (I still reside separately from Alex), pick bridesmaid gifts, create hospitality baskets for out-of-town guests, get addresses for the vast numbers of (inconsiderate) guests who failed to respond to my electronic request, finish our registry, book hotel room for wedding night (if we're not immediatly flying off to the honeymoon), buy a guestbook and nice pen, decide what kind and how much beverages we need and order that for reception, buy a veil, go to bridal shower and bachelorette party.

I can't decide if I totally rock and I'm right on schedule or if I should be panicking a little bit. I guess I'll go with totally rock?

A Night in the Life

This blog post begins with my office life, takes a trip to my night life, and then tucks me in.

Things are heating up as I prepare to leave for my trip to Europe. Yesterday I had a number of appointments in the morning, and when I got to my office, the amount of work was utterly overwhelming and bewildering. I just started hammering away at it. I stayed a couple hours after people usually leave on Friday (usually 4:00 at the latest on Fridays), and once the incessant interoffice pages stopped and all the people who come to my office to interrupt me left, I got a lot done. I went through all 52 of my voicemails, got a lot of tasks dealt with, wrote an affidavit for an old case that is now a problem, and did a little bit of filing. It was amazing how productive I became. I thought I'd have to go to the office all weekend, but it turns out, all I really have to do is write this reply brief. Don't get me wrong -- that won't be fun, but I think I can do it from home and won't have to go in to the office.

After my hard day of work, I went to the "Venus" art opening at Roq la Rue, celebrating the portrayal of the female form in art. See www.roqlarue.com What a scene! Very well attended by some of the more attractive "art people" I've seen, the show featured DJ Vodka Twist (you can see him with me of his Vespa if you go to my pics), along with his co-dj, Barbarella (what a charming, gorgeous creature she is!). They played the best stuff; I must ask for the playlist. I recognized a Cibo Matto song in there.... and of course they played some groovy soul, and some French ye ye. I don't know what it all was. Anyway, the art show was so good.

Oh my God. I totally want to start collecting art prints, And even some of the original pieces were only just a leettle bit out o' my reach. Such as this AMAZINGLY cool portrait of a girl by Joseph Parker, called "There Is A Light That Will Never Go Out." http://www.roqlarue.com/showpages/Venus/gallery/gallery_petker2_det.jpg When you are a distance away from it, it looks like an old, faded cover of a gothic pulp fiction novel. But once you get up close, it is a modern pop technicolor dream, where the girl becomes this collection of wild streaks, smears, and globs of beautiful, glorious color. So awesome. Unfortunately, it was $850, which I don't have, what with the trip to Europe and all. The jpg on the website does no justice to this piece whatsoever. I can't believe no one bought it. Can someone please buy it for me? I must have it. I tried to convince Marcus to invest in some good art. Work by artists showing at Roq la Rue have generally been increasing in value, besides looking great on your walls. However, Marcus was unconvinced, and our walls shall remain unadorned for the time being. My friend and art collector Anne Wallace was in attendance. She has great taste in art. I am so glad for her that she got to purchase three of the most fabulous pieces in the show: both of the Chris Reccardi pieces, which are angular, cigarette-slim, vaguely alien-looking women loungeing in their space age bachlorette pads. So hip. Better still, she got the Lynne Naylor "Venus Rising" which is a portrait of a modish, stylized, buxom babe in a teal dress and long black gloves, who seems to be looking over our shoulders at some sexy man approaching with a martini glass and a rakish grin. The other Lynne Naylor piece "Cashmere," did not sell yet, which surprises me. This one is in shades of magenta, purple, and salmon (three of my absolute favorite colors for clothing this season, in case you care), and features a beautiful dark-haired beauty, knee raised in a come hither fashion, as she drops her handkerchief on the purple backdrop. It's fabulous. And it's only 2 Gs. Will someone please buy me that? I'm serious. I deserve good art.

Afterwards, Marcus and I went to Clark Humphrey's birthday party. See www.MISCmedia.com for who Clark is. What a fun time that was! Gillian Garr was there, and we had fun talking about this wild night we had with Krist Novacelic, and Kim Thayil, and Leaf Garrett. I also told her my going-to-a-strip-club-with-the-White-Stripes story. Nice to see Dean (aka DJ EZ Action). And Kurt, who owns Cafe Racer and wants me to do a mod night down at his scooter club in the Sodo. There was a fruit and cream cheese custard cake there; it was said to be delicious. So I'm told; I'm not really eating cake right now because I need to look hot in my bikini when I'm in the Balkan Riviera. Plus I'm saving room for all the chocolate and cheese I'm going to eat in Switzerland.It was a fun, happening night. Wish you could've been there (unless you were, and then it was great to see you!) After the night ended, I cuddled in bed with Romeo. He purrs so loud that it's like having a white noise maker. I slept a long time and I'm doing to go bang out that fawking brief now and pack. Maybe I'll go out again tonight.... we shall see. Maybe I'll see you out there. Hope so!